SelfDestruction
by Kris Jun Savor
Summary: Kristie finally decides to kill herself but instead she has chaos, destruction, and a really bad headache.
1. SelfDestruction

Self's Destruction: written by Lanyka Lincoln  
  
Kristie finally decides to kill herself but instead she has chaos, destruction, and a really bad headache. But the question is... Will she succeed?  
  
The night was quiet, (hah) as if I cared...maybe it's because something fucked up is going to happen. But should I care? I just woke up from another unpleasant dream, which it doesn't seem to bother me that much.  
  
I can feel the sweat rolled down the back of my shirt, but I didn't bother wipe it away like I used to, instead I sunk into my thoughts again. The loneliness; I can't bare the feeling for the longest... I hate it, to cry alone (if I could) to sleep alone...one of the things I hate the most about being human ... is emotions...no happiness... I feel nothing. Let me die...  
  
Suddenly, a loud noise boomed into my head, making me jump out of the sheets and land onto the floor. I ignored the pain from the fall, and began searching my body for a new day.  
  
BANG! BANG!  
  
I turned my attention to the door already knowing who was it, I peek through keyhole, anyway (I like that keyhole).  
  
"Hello!"  
  
"Shit..." I thought.  
  
"Kris? You alive in there?"  
  
"Yeah, for now..." I murmured. Suddenly an inspiration popped into my head.  
  
Before I can catch another statement from Sara I pulled away from the door and headed to the window.  
  
"Because I'm alive," I thought. "That's the flaw! I'm living which means I'm miserable! If I die..." The thought made me feel more depressed... more daring that I picked up speed towards the window.  
  
"That's means no more voices, no monsters, no nothing!"  
  
(Except...)  
  
I stopped inches away from my freedom, "Except what?" I said roughly, turning toward the freed voice.  
  
(Freedom of course! Stop being stupid and think!)  
  
"Think about what?!" I snarled, "Your freedom? No! My freedom, from this shit hole I called a reality!"  
  
(So, you just going to give up after all you been through?)  
  
"Yeah, like my unwanted parents, knowing that you never fall in love or be gay for that matter!!! Realizing I'm some projectile for HELL to come on earth!! Hearing noises in my closest, which is really fuckin' creeping me out!!! And seeing the wonderful, unforgettable, fresh KILL from a manic that they were looking for during the crime watch!! I mean...he was so nice..."  
  
(Yeah? Who?)  
  
"Nothing. Anyhow, I told my reasons and that will be my closure upon my life of dismay...so leave me alone. And let me die..."  
  
(Heh...Heh, heh HAHAHAHAHA!! HAHAHA!!)  
  
I stopped before I'd continued; a flash of anger took over as I stare at it with a murderous glare.  
  
(Ah, lass. You are still as naïve as they come.)  
  
"What does that suppose to mean?" I snapped roughly, trying to restrain myself ripping the object into three, beside it's just a doll.  
  
(Look at you, Lass! You're shaking all over! You know death isn't the answer, the way you describe the lad.)  
  
I took long thought about it, he was right, shit. I really didn't want to do this! I mean I am depressed but not that depressed!! Hell on that, I'm doing it anyway before I really regret it.  
  
"Hmm, ...fuck you." I finally spoke pointing at the piece of shit. I leaned out the window then paused... "FUCK!"  
  
I sadly stood up from failure then lashed out to the doll. "YOU--!!!"  
  
(Oh Please, I didn't even hold you back this time! It was your decision! You've stopped!!)  
  
"Because you knew..." I hissed.  
  
(Humph)...and because I wouldn't let you die even you did leap out the window. You would've probably landed on a newspaper boy or something...)  
  
"Fine... then I will shoot myself!!" I yelled then ran to my drawer, pulling out a black, shiny handgun.  
  
.....  
  
"Ha, You not that smart after all." I replied. I finally having that shrewd feeling, quickly direct the gun to its target, I could feel the cold metal press close to the side of my head. I began to count as I took deep long breaths and finally reached to ten. I pulled.  
  
I  
  
Chapter 2: First go Suicide then come Destruction! 


	2. Chapter 2: First go Suicide then come De...

It sad really...that you can't die in peace because you're mentally disturbed, beside that something's keeping you from your internal rest. Great, just great...  
  
My whole body shuddered violently and then I fell hard to the floor...I'm still breathing...HUH?! I sat up, stared desperately at the handgun. "THE HELL...?"  
  
I couldn't understand I never used one bullet ever since I had it, despite the point that I hate guns, but still...  
  
(HAHA!)  
  
"Fuck you, I'll beat you!"  
  
(How can you when you're dead?)  
  
"Stop trying to protect me!!"  
  
(WHY?)  
  
I didn't say anything but studied the gun away from me, and angle towards the door, I examined the chamber, "...Why don't this stupid gun fire?"  
  
(Hmm...maybe because you put the safety on...)  
  
"Oh... yeah... well, I guess, maybe--" BAM!  
  
I squeaked as the gun went off, dropping the gun, it fired again. I froze as I stared horrified at the door; soon to realize that Sara was the last person I've talk to, "OH SHIT..." I thought.  
  
I slowly looked through the bullet hole but no Sara. Oh god, didn't she fall? Shit, did I hit her?  
  
Finally, my emotions got the best me, I unlocked my door swung it wide open, and there was Sara standing.  
  
For the few times in my life, Sara's averted death made me happy, collapsing to my knees, I sighed roughly from the incident.  
  
"Kris? Are you alright?"  
  
(Ah, You missed...)  
  
I growled at the voice then tried to focus on Sara, "Yeah, did I hit you?"  
  
"Um, nope. I'm fine really, I left after you didn't answer, and then I went down stairs that's when I heard a gun gone off, Kris, I thought you—"  
  
I threw my arms around Sara and hugged her, "I thought you'd been shot!"  
  
"Kristie..."  
  
(Mmm...does that feel nice?)  
  
(Shut up.)  
  
(Ah...so you're using your thoughts, smart.)  
  
I shook my head slightly as I got up. I felt a little dizzy but I really didn't care. I noticed Sara was staring at me I tried to ignore her attention.  
  
"What were you doing in there anyway?"  
  
I said nothing.  
  
I could see that my silence discomforts her, but she asked again.  
  
"Kris? What's going on with you?"  
  
Again, I said nothing.  
  
Sara grew a little irritated but finally gave up. She'd looked so concern, I could have said something but what was there to say. She finally broke the silence with her hyperactive attitude as if she waited for me to drop my guard.  
  
"Well...?"  
  
"No." I replied sharply.  
  
"But it's a girl-night-out."  
  
"But you're not my friend. We've been through this discussion before, Sar."  
  
I knew I've hurt her feeling even if she didn't show it, I knew...but it was for the best.  
  
(Are you being a little harsh?)  
  
(Shut the fuck up, Moosey, You nearly killed her, this is the only way I can protect her.")  
  
(Hey! Hey, like I said I'd make sure you don't die. If you try to hurt yourself only you're doing is putting others in jeopardy, eh?)  
  
(Mmm...)  
  
"Kris, Are feeling okay?"  
  
I snapped from my mental prison, "Uh...I-I really need to be alone."  
  
"Okay...Good night..."  
  
"Night?"  
  
"Yeah, you slept through the morning, and when did I ever asked you on a girls-NIGHT-out in the morning?"  
  
"Oh. Um, good night, then."  
  
I slip into my room and locked down my door, I could Sara's footsteps fade until it was gone.  
  
(So...)  
  
I finally turned to face the direction of the voice, the doll sat on the top of my drawer the devilish grin cut across its face. Its tiny sunshades formed as evil eyes, standing with a half body; demon and stress moose toy, its demon tail swayed to and fro like a whip.  
  
I despised looking at it, but my hatred for it blinds the thought.  
  
(You're not going out?)  
  
"I am."  
  
(You're not?)  
  
"I am going."  
  
(Oh, I see! Good!)  
  
"I am going to kill myself, again."  
  
(.. Uh..Huh.)  
  
(Well, could you at least tell me about that guy you've talked about earlier?)  
  
"Who? Dark? Who knows what that kid been smoking!"  
  
(No, Not that slave! The other one! Uh, Killing one.)  
  
"What? Oh, him...not much about him. He's gone now, he said so."  
  
(You think? I mean, you DID say and you quote: He was so nice...)  
  
"No, I really meant: I was a fool to befriend him, I mean that Johnny was a real ass!"  
  
(Ah... Johnny?! Johnny? You say?)  
  
"Um, yeah...and, something unique about that?  
  
(Very...)  
  
I stared at the doll sensing something that it's not telling me.  
  
Chapter 3: destruction bring sorrow, chaos is born from insanity 


	3. Chapter 3: destruction bring sorrow, cha...

It's funny. Something you feared, you're destined to face hoping it would go away yet, longing for it to stay. I wondered where this is taking me? Can I stop this before it gets there?  
  
I'd bear the silence for a long time, until I lost interest of his dark little secret, I mean, it didn't matter I was going to die, so how will Johnny change anything?  
  
Anyhow, I have problem of my own, so alone, nightmares, emotions hanging out of control...yeah, these problems, I turned and head for the window I really had no time for this.  
  
(You know, he's one alike.)  
  
I didn't feel like talking I was too depressed.  
  
(I don't understand...so what do you mean he's... alike?)  
  
(A mere encounter can change everything.)  
  
At first I didn't what the fuck it was talking about, but strangely it sound calm and mature...to be honest he sound serious.  
  
"Ah, so you mean like you for example? Oh yeah, BIG change."  
  
(I'm not joking kid, and it's so weird thou, we were just talking about this.)  
  
"Yeah. Now I'm done."  
  
(Where are you going?)  
  
(I'm going to get some knives so I can stab peoples' eye out!)  
  
(Mmm...Well, make sure you come back when the clock strike 2:00!)  
  
I grumbled at its smart-ass reply. "Fuck you."  
  
Without hesitating to stay, which was the last thing on my mind. I ducked over my bed and pulled out a long ladder, and then I descent the ladder then myself. I felt a little life in me when depart from my prison, at the moment I fear at the thought of killing myself, but unfortunate thoughts crept inside my brain and I let them in just to be determined and to press on the depression.  
  
I walked along the long darken sidewalk, I've hung on to my handgun just in case I ran out of ideas. The light flicked on as I walk past each pole, it was be midnight, and I finally reach city of humanity, the colored lights kind of annoyed me. I could feel the depression sinking in, slowly became overwhelming! Yes! I must do it! No regrets!  
  
In a reaction as if on instinct I lunged myself onto high speed traffic, as I landed one of the cars targets me as the lights blinded me, all I could hear were swivels and screeches of the cars then a loud crash boom in front me. I fell back but the rest was so fast, my mind was blank, eyes still hurt from light, but I remained emotionless, empty... ready to die. Nothing happened...to me yet, the noise of impact cars scraping, bashing, and exploding against each other.  
  
Silence in a way that only I could hear people screaming, cars honking, and the scent of smoke filled my nostrils.  
  
(SMOKE?) My eyes shot open as I stood with fear froze to my face.  
  
Where I stand is were piles of giant rumbles of metal surround me in every direction, even destruction found its way on the sidewalks, still I stood untouched, unharmed, and full with chaos.  
  
Fear paralyze my body but mind screamed to run and I did so...but where... Where?  
  
.... Chapter 4: When there's Chaos, the past could always finds it's pray. 


	4. to be continued

Confusion could cause people to slip deep into insanity in a silent moment even if you sane without feeling to be born with they will go insane anyways, there's nothing to do but to hope for a better moment.  
  
I felt scared and confused but still I ran, maybe it's because the noises was still ringing in my ears or I'm afraid of the fact that I was the one who cause the chaos back there.  
  
My mind grew fuzzy now. I wish I wouldn't have done shit back there, so many people...fuck, what was wrong with me? Why would I place other people in jeopardy...? That's when I hit me.  
  
"No."  
  
I slowly lower to the ground as my knees weakened, the only thing that struck in my mind was Mosey's words, his warning.  
  
"Oh, god."  
  
I sighed in dismay, it was either they or I but really wish it backed fire on myself. "Sigh."  
  
I finally reached to my refuge in the outside world, the café, without a second thought I bolted inside to find a seat before all were filled.  
  
In relief I sat down but only regain the depression... this is too much. I tried to occupy my mind from the thoughts of displeasure, but only to be disappointed, it was asshole-night and I was uninvited. Groups of Goths stared at me as I turned away from their nasty looks...assholes.  
  
Suddenly I heard laughter I really don't care at the matter but out of curiosity I turned around to see which victim they picked today, to my surprise it wasn't me.  
  
A tall dark skinned woman was standing in the line waiting for her order, as two other teens were doing the same yet they entertaining themselves by pointing and snickering at the woman. Surprisingly she didn't seem to care about their existence of jester, instead she waited patiently for her order, and I've noticed the coat it wasn't from a gothic store, hell, not from this place for that matter. It was a black coat, which reached down to her calves with a purple rim collar, that's what caught my attention, the most. 


End file.
